self aware – Esoteric Realms

January 1, 2022

Times are changing for July.

I wrote this piece in July 2021. I don’t know why I never posted it, but it’s a perfect reflective piece for myself of how far I have come. I have learnt what disrespects me has no place in my life or energetic field.

This retrograde, eclipse and full moon are really playing to my strengths (just joking) I am furious, all the time and have no control over the rage that sits just below the surface. To be honest though I’m glad it exists, this is my new birth into who I am, honest and intolerant of ignorance. I will allow myself this gift of truth and the fury that rides with it.

I don’t know about you, but I do know this month has become one of new life and to achieve it, we all must embrace these changes and strongholds growing in us. We will break the barriers of the previous life, our intensity will not be dulled by those who are usually the ones suffocating us and sucking the oxygen from our lungs. I am in a rage, for those who are inconsiderate, selfish and unkind. They don’t think about anyone else, and when I suffer alone. Yet I always ask them how they are, what they need, are they really okay. Call it a birth into a new-found fire, self-respect and boundary, but learning to understand myself has taught me I will not tolerate or accept less than par behaviour like this.

Years, hours, days, just all of my time has been wasted on those who care and consider only themselves and their needs. Whose opinions are forever heard, whose actions affect those around them so negatively, their lack of consideration and care is strewn through our pain and suffering. We are ready to embrace the anxiety and weight they cause. Like a shark they devour our hopes, stability, dreams, freedom. What did we do to deserve this? Nothing, but we give them our time, something they are undeserving of if they can’t even care about you genuinely, don’t wait for them to care for your selfless actions and change their ways any time soon. They are self-seeking, self advancing, meaning you are nothing but a self nominating tool they use to get ahead. They’ll squeeze you dry and throw you away, they’ll treat you poorly in the process.

Expect nothing from these people and create the boundary now to avoid all contact and evidence of their presence in your life. It’s time to cut cords and ties and break yourself free from their cage. Your soul purpose is not to be used by them, but to grow and flourish into your own success and not be held back and emptied by these people. They can appear as people who should care about us, they will use love against you, turn the conversation around onto your faults, but remember you’re not the one writhing like a snake without its head after being held accountable for itself actions, and you are not the responsible party. You’re making boundaries and cutting them out, they can learn to thrive like the parasite they are on someone else’s hard work and efforts.

I hope this month teaches you something new, I hope you allow this time of change to transform you, I know I have found my strength, my voice. Have you?

Be blessed. X

December 29, 2021October 17, 2023

Make Love, Not Deadlines.

There is this terrible habit we have created within our society of dating, love, marriage. It’s the importance of Self and not another. We love our work and self-importance, but will engage the constructs of relationships into our lives, weaving promises and lies into one another. We pretend we care but when things come to the surface we shout and get angry, we say how we are doing the best we can and instead of listening and communicating. We cause more issues and break the foundation that should be strengthened.

We are all our own individual person, we have our own identity, strengths and defining weaknesses too. The insecurities we hold will always manifest themselves unless we work through them by acknowledging them. We have this tendency to bring these needs for recognition and praise forward, it comes in the form of work, bosses, colleagues, friends, family. It affects how we speak and act. The dangerous part of this is that it will always hurt those who can truly love you and care about you. You will break down walls to get where you want to be, including those who you’d pull into your life and the inevitable course of chosen self-destruction.

I guess what I want to say is, why do you want to love another person or want another person to love you when your life is the most important part of your existence is how you present yourself to the world? Love is an action, to give, to sacrifice, to put others needs, wants and desires above your own. You’re not supposed to compromise but promise, and your words hold true. Whatever we hold deep in ourselves, our fears, habitual responses and learned interactions and examples of what a relationship looks like, should be acknowledged and worked through.

Creating change within ourselves creates change in others, and when we lose the fear and need of constant receiving and reassurance, we begin to give actions and words that no longer cost us anything because they hold the value of speaking another person’s love language. You will never need to fear losing love or not being enough when we acknowledge this in ourselves or understand this in our partner, only then can we choose to respond appropriately and accordingly with understanding and kindness.

Image sourced from Google. No copyright intended.

July 28, 2019December 31, 2021

Black Mirror – Hang the DJ

So like all Black Mirror episodes, we are taken on a journey into the future where things seem all too familiar. This episode reflects on a system that gathers information on individuals over a series of relationships. Frank and Amy, our leading gent and lady, are absolutely perfect for each other, they know it, we know, but the system decides against it. They enjoy a 12 hour “relationship” all thanks to a system that is 99.8% accurate and successful for the perfect match, or so they say.

So as many people know how the episode goes, I’m not here to give a rewrite but share what stood out to me, my takeaway message as you would have it. We seem to believe or convince ourselves to stay in the wrong relationships. Whether it be because it’s convenient, deeper emotional issues like trauma bonding, or just convincing yourself you have to be in it for any reason. Yet the ones we desire most we believe or convince ourselves we aren’t able or allowed to. Why do we do this to ourselves, I know I am very guilty of this. For an array of unbelievable reasons, I stayed in a place that was not my home as you would have it. It was not a place of comfort, support or representative of any love whatsoever.

I find it baffling that we have this mixed up psychology in relationships, that we can seek out unhealthy and incompatible people and somehow try and bond to them. Why? Not everyone does this, and I know for a fact it has a lot to do with how we are treated and reared from birth well into our early adult life. We feel this sense of duty to those who are not reciprocal in our affections and understanding of our needs, or those who have diminished our self identity and tell us who we can or cannot choose to be loved by. No, I don’t mean the people who are right in their warnings, but those who are controlling of all our choices.

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The other part that stood out was this understanding of how terrible the experience of having to endure meaningless relationships, one after the other. You’re waiting and hoping for it to end, or you’re full aware that it will end soon enough, and it’s so tiresome emotionally. The right match we search for, find and hold onto, yet it seems like everything including a flawless system tries to pull you apart. You will know if you’re a perfect match, you’ll know your twin flame, the other part of yourself.

It would seem the moment we take back our power and stop watching the clock is also the moment the greatest fear comes of if it had to end just like every other relationship because even though you know it’s the one, there could be this moment where we lose it all. Fear and terror of past emotional trauma takes over, and it would seem that we become the cause of a foreseeable end or issue to arise. We program ourselves into responding so negatively, we hurt ourselves before anything even happens.

The biggest take home message I have is, don’t ever give your power away or anyone to decide your life for you or leave it up to chance. It’s all you, you know who you draw to yourself and vice versa. We’ll know how to navigate through it because it is ours.