Don’t Get Your Wires Crossed

Looking up at the power lines overlapping, I see lines of communication, and I am reminded of our own lifelines. Lines within us that holds us together, lines that define us as we get older, lines we draw as boundaries around us and lines that are made for us to connect us.

Sometimes our wires get tangled and muddled into a knot, our wires become disconnected. Let us never forget the importance of keeping our own wires untangled and free. Life sent through lines like electricity travelling back and forth, we can send out messages into the dark and not be afraid if it’s been received.

We can trust in this process and predictability that we are dependable and sound, just like power lines dressing the street. We stand tall, remaining connected, reaching out to one another, relaying the message to the one who needs to hear it.

Image sourced from Google. No copyright intended.

December 31, 2021

It all starts with Adam

Ninety percent of the time when I have a problem and seek help, I get met with the most apathetic response. It’s either my responsibility for the trouble in my life, my fault or that’s just how it is for me as a woman and to just deal with it. The real kicker is this is the response I’ve received from other older women. Women who were perceived as kind, helpful, spiritual. Someone who would listen without judgement and give advice that would help you flourish.

This gets enraging and emotional, feeling things from frustration and pain, to wanting to change their own thinking, but I can’t change someone who chooses self over others. So I really delve deeper into thought and I begin to release things like pieces of the puzzle coming together because I’m not giving others the benefit of the doubt to be perfect. What we all need someone, to take responsibility for their actions, listen to how they hurt us and work together to heal. Ideally and simplicity at its best, but this isn’t everyone’s thought when their own ego has a bigger role to play.

I guess in the beginning, if we need to begin somewhere solid, disappointment flourished. Imagine being the first human, spending a lot of time learning, adapting, overcoming. Finally, your loneliness is noticed and boom, your lover is in your life. How do you mess this up? Yeah, you never had human interaction like this before, but you know they are a part of you, and they are your responsibility. You get to protect, provide and love them, but instead you forget the loneliness and take advantage of them. They are offered something more, and you stand by, even participate.

You get caught out and blame them. Weak. This is the point I want to make, in every one of my “relationships” people I was getting to know, I got thrown under the bus. I was forced to live under a rock and when my wings were beginning to spread they were broken. So innocent was my pleading falling on deaf ears and blackened hearts. The thing is these people boasted about how good they were, capable of taking care of me, what they had to offer. It was all a lie. I was either a filler of their life to keep boredom away or to be seen as someone who actually have someone in their life, someone like me. Pathetic really.

I don’t like anyone who uses someone as a badge in their life, like a statement of their achievements. If you’re not going to actually love someone with action and not your incessant talking, don’t expect respect. Your words are like an avalanche, you just don’t shut up. You talk and talk and talk about how great you are and how successful you are and how everyone respects you but if you were to ask the person in their life behind the closed doors and not in everyone’s sight, see how different their reality is, actually the reality of that boastful person.

I guess what’s been plaguing my mind is the same verse found in the bible, going around and around.

Ephesians 5:25 “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.”

So, what does it mean to love your spouse? This:

1 Corinthians 13:4-5: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”

Ephesians 4:2: “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”

1 Peter 4:8: “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”

1 Peter 3:7: “In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.”

There are all sorts of every kind of person on this Earth, some compatible, some not so much. Don’t bring someone into your life if you’re not ready to live like this, to actually give every day in small ways and once in a while in bigger gestures. A person isn’t an object that you bring into your life for company. They are not your slave to be the only person giving every day in every way of themselves until they have no soul left in their body. Think twice before you commit to love and thrive before you awaken it.

If they’re not going to love you as you deserve, walk away. Life is too short to give of your self in wholesome love and to be met with adversity, apathy and indifference.

https://open.spotify.com/track/2bjZnUqsteuIhrqCT7Ai1O?si=CU5q44_oT0KlzE4ShIjZ2w

December 31, 2021

Behind the Curtain

There we stand, each on one side of the curtain. Palm to palm with thick material between us. Your voice sings and mine trembles. You promise me sweet things and I break. We find ourselves in this meeting place, though we have yet to meet. You whisper to me, One day. I hold onto these words. Soon the time comes where I must go, back to life, and so you leave. I can hear your smile in your voice as you promise your love and soul to me. You must leave now, but you always promise to return. Without fail, you always do.

Here we are again, palm to palm, your voice sings a song of a thousand voices, all full of hope and promise. Mine is an empty echo, broken and waiting for this promise. You tell me now the time is coming where you must allow darkness to fall. There will be time for me and there will be nothing, I’m certain I will not break. You remind me how I feel right now, At this moment where we are in bliss. There will be no bliss or hope, there will be nothing, like a blanket because you have left me. My voice tries to remain strong, just for you. You know it’s not me I am trying to be brave for, it’s for my own heart.

The time has come that you must leave, let darkness fall and the sun must fade. Darkness consumes all that is in me and I feel myself slipping into despair. A violent storm and vicious break, and soon we will be together. How come I must endure your absence to be close? Why must you leave me to be, so I may know your return? While I sit by the curtain, losing all hope of you in my mind.

Your presence begins to surround me once more, like the sun returning to the morn. Here I am, you say with great approval, and tell me to stand back. I rise to my feet and step away. A great light the fills the room and my soul. I begin to hear a rip, there, again another rip! With the might of your strength and your sword ripped the curtain. I shield my eyes from a flood of light that flows over me. Light floods all around my being, I can barely see. I can let my hand and guard down to see only you.

Emerging from the light, there you stand as any mighty king would, with a crown that adorns your head, but it is your love that adorns my heart. You reach your hand down to me that I may take it for the first time. Here we are, palm to palm, no curtains to divide. You lift me to my feet and pull me close to your chest, embracing me in your warmth. I feel safe, I begin to cry. You look at me once more with loving eyes that fill the sky. You promised me one day, and that day has come from great sacrifice. Enduring the darkness, I patiently waited on your promise, trusting you would fulfil it. Now here we are, safe and secure in each other’s loving embrace.

You have me now and I to you. There is no more to divide, you fought for me. No more palm to palm but heart-to-heart we can enter into your kingdom. Let your love flow as I am embraced. There is no more darkness. Just as the curtain has been ripped, so has the wall between us. We no longer hide from each other, we are now together. As you embrace me and I embrace you, we truly embrace one another. In flaw, in slight and imperfection, you are forever my king. You alone could break down all that divides us. Now here I stand in your arms, I am truly glad that you are no longer must hide your face from me. That I can look upon your glory and know you are now beside me.

December 29, 2021

Connected

There was a wall between us, like a fort, it divided. You were safe inside and I was left outside. Everyday I’d come to you, just to be able to hear your voice. You made hours feel like minutes, your very presence was supernatural. You could make my darkest days seem so bright. You told me you had to go away for a while and you made me a promise I would forget. You told me that we would finally be connected, that we could see face to face, that there would be no more wall between us. It would finally be just us.

I’d never thought these days would be so dark, it felt like an eternity had fallen upon me and time froze with fear. There was no more light, there was no more conversation. There was nothing. We had been separated for so long we didn’t know each other anymore, or so it felt to me. You had disappeared. Why would you turn your face from me, did you really have to go? This bond I have to you is too strong for me to bear. I looked at that wall every day like I was an ant and it was a giant. It was the one thing that took you from me, how could we ever be together.

The sun rose this day and I remember how it felt. Like your hand on my should giving me comfort and reassurance. Today was the day, the wall came crumbling down. You gave your word and there I watched as it fell like dust. It no longer bore a resemblance to the division between you and me, it was no more. We could finally be together. We could meet face to face. You let me in to your kingdom and I could finally see what it meant to be you.

December 29, 2021October 17, 2023

Make Love, Not Deadlines.

There is this terrible habit we have created within our society of dating, love, marriage. It’s the importance of Self and not another. We love our work and self-importance, but will engage the constructs of relationships into our lives, weaving promises and lies into one another. We pretend we care but when things come to the surface we shout and get angry, we say how we are doing the best we can and instead of listening and communicating. We cause more issues and break the foundation that should be strengthened.

We are all our own individual person, we have our own identity, strengths and defining weaknesses too. The insecurities we hold will always manifest themselves unless we work through them by acknowledging them. We have this tendency to bring these needs for recognition and praise forward, it comes in the form of work, bosses, colleagues, friends, family. It affects how we speak and act. The dangerous part of this is that it will always hurt those who can truly love you and care about you. You will break down walls to get where you want to be, including those who you’d pull into your life and the inevitable course of chosen self-destruction.

I guess what I want to say is, why do you want to love another person or want another person to love you when your life is the most important part of your existence is how you present yourself to the world? Love is an action, to give, to sacrifice, to put others needs, wants and desires above your own. You’re not supposed to compromise but promise, and your words hold true. Whatever we hold deep in ourselves, our fears, habitual responses and learned interactions and examples of what a relationship looks like, should be acknowledged and worked through.

Creating change within ourselves creates change in others, and when we lose the fear and need of constant receiving and reassurance, we begin to give actions and words that no longer cost us anything because they hold the value of speaking another person’s love language. You will never need to fear losing love or not being enough when we acknowledge this in ourselves or understand this in our partner, only then can we choose to respond appropriately and accordingly with understanding and kindness.

December 26, 2021June 17, 2024

Soul Talk – TW Mental Health

Find yourself someone who listens between the lines of your truth and their interpretation. Who can really crack the code of your hesitation before a “yes” and the longer than necessary pause before you speak “ok”. They’ll understand the meaning behind it and what you are truly saying, even when you don’t.

Find someone who really hears you, not just listens or says they did. They respond with understanding and know when not to but to give you the gift of silent reassurance. They show you with their full heart and soul that you are that you are being heard, that your emotions are valid, and you are in a safe place. They understand what you are trying to say behind the frustration and noise of conversation and words held for too long swimming around in your mind.

Always bring home the truth by sharing yours with someone who values your spoken life. Words are not just life, they are from the life within us spilling out. So if they know you, you’ll know they’ve been truly communicating with your soul. They truly know you because they truly listen and honestly care about what is going on inside. They never take it personally, they never project their own fears or insecurities onto you, when you open your soul to them.

People say it’s okay to not be okay, but what’s not okay is the conversations that don’t happen after major events for individuals. The people who have had a continual struggle yet show up every day for everyone else. When they finally do break from the hidden weight of pain and trauma. The words that fall on death ears, or arguments that arise due to the inability to grasp how this could be. Find your tribe who love and support you through it all. We all fight battles, it doesn’t mean we’re not trying when we struggle some days more than others or we seem just fine. Just be kind. It’s not that hard. It’s the people who struggle the most that give the most in the end and don’t receive the help they need because they were deemed strong enough. There can only be so much reserve for finding strength, so just be present, listen and don’t judge.

November 23, 2019

Don’t Say Yes.

There’s something that always surprises me, maybe because I will always try and give people a chance to prove themselves, to be who they say they are but there is always a bitter truth revealed in the end. This kind of person believes in themselves and their actions even if these actions are not heartfelt or genuine. They are just doing the work to say they did it, they use it to control your emotions and to make you feel guilty for ever questioning their actions and beliefs centred on them. They will complain, a lot OR alternatively, create a truly negative environment for themselves and those around them. Their emotions will drive a dagger into your heart and soul, and their words drive a wedge between you and those people or things you care about most.

I really believe the first thing that brings this sudden ‘snap’ on their behalf is the need to do. They ‘do’ to prove they ‘are’ when we all really know they aren’t who they pretend to be. They feel like they have to in an almost self forced way achieve complements from others and ownership over others. The second thing I believe that follows is now their action and ulterior motive has been questioned or revealed and this breeds contempt, anger and frustration. They truly believe they are never at fault and to take responsibility is ludicrous. They will play a card as old as time and begin to behave in a way that is based on their belief of proactivity on their end and not reciprocation on yours. They will actually begin to show their true thought and wonder as to why no one is giving them the help they need or why no one is praising them as much as they think they deserve. Again, it’s in their mind, their thoughts that they create this darkness that becomes a cloud over their thoughts, minds, actions, feelings and it begins to seep into their environment drawing people away.

I truly feel the simple solution to all of this is for them to stop doing things because they think they have to or say they want to. This need to ‘do’ is a really unhealthy relationship with the need to be seen as a good person but at the same time they begin to feed and fester the need to be recognised or alternatively and usually, their superiority in how their actions define them as a person. After all they are the ones doing it, right or wrong attitude. I think this something we all get caught up in even if it is not to this extent of narcissism. This need to do right but become very bitter very quickly and no one ever really has the right attitude when it comes to helping others or long suffering.

Everyone will participate to be seen there in the moment but their heart is not in the right state. So why say YES when you should say NO? Whether it’s religious upbringings, forceful parents, the need to be recognised as good. Either one, it doesn’t make it right. Don’t do things in your life because you have to but because you genuinely want to and that you know life is going to be difficult and tiring but you still have a great positivity and grounding to your life that you are giving back to those around you, you are in fact really helping but bringing that ease to someone else’s life not to be recognised or praised but because you understand it’s about giving and not receiving.

Our lives can be so centred on our selves. All we think about is how WE feel, what WE want, what WE need when in fact we should be thinking about how much we struggle and suffer and how much more we should be helping those who are going through hardships because we know first hand what it is like. Having the right attitude before entering into a situation can change the outcome and experience for everyone. If you hold the mindset that everyone should be checking on me and knowing how I am, you’re prioritising the wrong thing. Ask some one else genuinely how they are and listen, don’t talk unless you really know what to say that will help not hinder.

It really does upset me when people can create their environment but they don’t take responsibility for what exactly they create. They either can be of the ‘no-responsibility’ mind set, it’s not my fault I’m like this but yours or the ‘simply so driven to destroy any good around them in the name of self righteousness’ mindset, we end up with more hurt people than helped people. I think a lot of people base their self justification on their emotions, the ‘it’s all me’ party and don’t care genuinely for others even thought they can fake a smile or act ‘normal’ or ‘happy’ around others and easily fool others because no one really looks any deeper. It’s the behind the scenes some people miss.

Like I said, it really bothers me that people can say one thing and do another. It’s a lie and lying annoys me. I feel like there would be a lot of writings out there religious, spiritual, philosophical speaking out against this sort of behaviour but I feel like the best way to describe it is this:

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

Philippians 2:3-4 New International Version (NIV)

So the next time you decide to help someone, ask yourself: Am I doing this for me or for them? Do I understand this is not about me and my emotions or thoughts but about bringing help to others? Am I serving my highest good or their needs? Sometimes all we really needs is a little more love and compassion, selflessness and kindness, understanding and patience. Leave your ideas at the door and step out in a more positive, loving way. I think we all have enough negativity around us we don’t need to breed in it our own lives and affect those around us.

November 23, 2019November 23, 2019

I’M TOO MUCH

If anyone has very told you that you’re too much, take it with a grain of salt. You are too much, for them. It will never be acknowledged or recognised how much you give or do for this people but they will try to drag you down to their level. They will acknowledge you’re truth.

You are too good.

You are too kind.

You are too forgiving.

You are too expectant.

You are, for them, too much.

They cannot process your ability to keep trying while they fail. The next time someone says you are too much, just know you are too much. You are the too much good in their broken world. They sought you out and made you feel special for a while but now you’re too much work, too much effort and too much time they don’t want to give. They want too much coming in and not a whole lot going out.

You’re a gift that keeps on giving, but you’re also strong enough to hold your standards and know you deserve to keep on receiving. You are Worthy.

You’ll never be too much. X

August 20, 2019

Unguard your heart

You’re quite guarded. For the reasons known to you might be time to ascend a little higher and accept those things we cannot change and allow those who care about you, inside your heart. Meditate on your future, what change you want to see and understand how you’re going to need to change your attitudes towards certain subjects and just accept others as they are. You can’t convince them otherwise, so why close yourself off to kind hearted people even if you don’t agree on much. You could be closing yourself off to a future that looks good or is good. Don’t be afraid of uncertainty in how things progress with others either. I hope this helps.

August 20, 2019December 27, 2021

The Right Time

Relationships are a great construction of two people giving of themselves wholly. As time has passed there have been many lessons we’ve all learnt from each other, some good some bad, some not so great. In saying this, there have been many lessons we take from examples of those around us in our family, friends, movies and maybe even inspired through and from movies. We are constantly looking all around us seeing these relationships take form and exist like the air we breathe. It has great power to be seen, great power to bring those great men to tenderness and timid women to great strength. We find ourselves in each other, in every situation, we transform and grow.

There are many examples where we are young and we can choose each other and love for the rest of our days, there are loves were taken or lost, loves that are shattered and loves that are yet to be. Funny how we can feel those words without even having to think twice. Love being the bond between two individuals making them one, we learn to accept parts and correct others. We can break or make ourselves and others in the environment we create. With words lost and actions, we can never return we break and destroy, with words and actions thoughtfully planned we can control and with thoughts and actions inspired we can ignite a flame that may never stop growing if we keep trusting that feeling that grows ever more with positive acknowledgment from our beloved.

We are all so tender and fragile, entering into a commitment we may not fully understand but our best intentions are our best card at dealing with whatever may come next. We decide we are going to do this together, the other persons suffering and needs are greater than our own. We don’t decide it we just feel it and go with it because if we don’t then we suffer too. We are incredible creatures to know ourselves in every secret place, we know our truest emotions and the things we love or despise. As time goes on we know our truest self, what we will accept in any of our relationships, we now set a standard because we have learnt or grown through fire, what we know we are worthy of receiving, what standard of love we desire to receive and no longer settle for those that are not worthy of our time or energy. We learn to accept we are so worthy of receiving because all we do is give, day or night at the drop of a hat there would be nothing we wouldn’t do to battle for our loved one. We learn so we want someone to reciprocate this action to us, no more empty words, promises, time being wasted, we are ready for the whole package. We accept nothing less now.

Love is a grand thing but it is not alive unless we give it life. We are the holders of life to create what we will. We cannot wait around praying and hoping, life is what happens when we decide on the action then live it out. That is living, that is life, that is love. Every day giving to each other, thinking of one another, being thoughtful, considerate, protecting, sacrificing. Someone else’s needs are your priority, through the thick and thin of it. Love is not you thinking you are a good person, it is you doing what is right every day, every night, every moment you can. They will always be your priority, your number one and if work, friends or other activities take that place, no one can receive the love they deserve from you if they give you priority in their life and vice versa. You learn that in time, you can do better, be better and accept nothing less than better than what you’re getting or giving right now.

Time is a great teacher of all things we allow ourselves to learn from the past, change our present so when we create our future we are creating memories that are worth remembering, that always last.

“Do not awaken love before it’s the right time.”
Song of Solomon 8:4