love – Esoteric Realms

December 31, 2021

It all starts with Adam

Ninety percent of the time when I have a problem and seek help, I get met with the most apathetic response. It’s either my responsibility for the trouble in my life, my fault or that’s just how it is for me as a woman and to just deal with it. The real kicker is this is the response I’ve received from other older women. Women who were perceived as kind, helpful, spiritual. Someone who would listen without judgement and give advice that would help you flourish.

This gets enraging and emotional, feeling things from frustration and pain, to wanting to change their own thinking, but I can’t change someone who chooses self over others. So I really delve deeper into thought and I begin to release things like pieces of the puzzle coming together because I’m not giving others the benefit of the doubt to be perfect. What we all need someone, to take responsibility for their actions, listen to how they hurt us and work together to heal. Ideally and simplicity at its best, but this isn’t everyone’s thought when their own ego has a bigger role to play.

I guess in the beginning, if we need to begin somewhere solid, disappointment flourished. Imagine being the first human, spending a lot of time learning, adapting, overcoming. Finally, your loneliness is noticed and boom, your lover is in your life. How do you mess this up? Yeah, you never had human interaction like this before, but you know they are a part of you, and they are your responsibility. You get to protect, provide and love them, but instead you forget the loneliness and take advantage of them. They are offered something more, and you stand by, even participate.

You get caught out and blame them. Weak. This is the point I want to make, in every one of my “relationships” people I was getting to know, I got thrown under the bus. I was forced to live under a rock and when my wings were beginning to spread they were broken. So innocent was my pleading falling on deaf ears and blackened hearts. The thing is these people boasted about how good they were, capable of taking care of me, what they had to offer. It was all a lie. I was either a filler of their life to keep boredom away or to be seen as someone who actually have someone in their life, someone like me. Pathetic really.

I don’t like anyone who uses someone as a badge in their life, like a statement of their achievements. If you’re not going to actually love someone with action and not your incessant talking, don’t expect respect. Your words are like an avalanche, you just don’t shut up. You talk and talk and talk about how great you are and how successful you are and how everyone respects you but if you were to ask the person in their life behind the closed doors and not in everyone’s sight, see how different their reality is, actually the reality of that boastful person.

I guess what’s been plaguing my mind is the same verse found in the bible, going around and around.

Ephesians 5:25 “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.”

So, what does it mean to love your spouse? This:

1 Corinthians 13:4-5: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”

Ephesians 4:2: “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”

1 Peter 4:8: “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”

1 Peter 3:7: “In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.”

There are all sorts of every kind of person on this Earth, some compatible, some not so much. Don’t bring someone into your life if you’re not ready to live like this, to actually give every day in small ways and once in a while in bigger gestures. A person isn’t an object that you bring into your life for company. They are not your slave to be the only person giving every day in every way of themselves until they have no soul left in their body. Think twice before you commit to love and thrive before you awaken it.

If they’re not going to love you as you deserve, walk away. Life is too short to give of your self in wholesome love and to be met with adversity, apathy and indifference.

https://open.spotify.com/track/2bjZnUqsteuIhrqCT7Ai1O?si=CU5q44_oT0KlzE4ShIjZ2w

December 31, 2021

Behind the Curtain

There we stand, each on one side of the curtain. Palm to palm with thick material between us. Your voice sings and mine trembles. You promise me sweet things and I break. We find ourselves in this meeting place, though we have yet to meet. You whisper to me, One day. I hold onto these words. Soon the time comes where I must go, back to life, and so you leave. I can hear your smile in your voice as you promise your love and soul to me. You must leave now, but you always promise to return. Without fail, you always do.

Here we are again, palm to palm, your voice sings a song of a thousand voices, all full of hope and promise. Mine is an empty echo, broken and waiting for this promise. You tell me now the time is coming where you must allow darkness to fall. There will be time for me and there will be nothing, I’m certain I will not break. You remind me how I feel right now, At this moment where we are in bliss. There will be no bliss or hope, there will be nothing, like a blanket because you have left me. My voice tries to remain strong, just for you. You know it’s not me I am trying to be brave for, it’s for my own heart.

The time has come that you must leave, let darkness fall and the sun must fade. Darkness consumes all that is in me and I feel myself slipping into despair. A violent storm and vicious break, and soon we will be together. How come I must endure your absence to be close? Why must you leave me to be, so I may know your return? While I sit by the curtain, losing all hope of you in my mind.

Your presence begins to surround me once more, like the sun returning to the morn. Here I am, you say with great approval, and tell me to stand back. I rise to my feet and step away. A great light the fills the room and my soul. I begin to hear a rip, there, again another rip! With the might of your strength and your sword ripped the curtain. I shield my eyes from a flood of light that flows over me. Light floods all around my being, I can barely see. I can let my hand and guard down to see only you.

Emerging from the light, there you stand as any mighty king would, with a crown that adorns your head, but it is your love that adorns my heart. You reach your hand down to me that I may take it for the first time. Here we are, palm to palm, no curtains to divide. You lift me to my feet and pull me close to your chest, embracing me in your warmth. I feel safe, I begin to cry. You look at me once more with loving eyes that fill the sky. You promised me one day, and that day has come from great sacrifice. Enduring the darkness, I patiently waited on your promise, trusting you would fulfil it. Now here we are, safe and secure in each other’s loving embrace.

You have me now and I to you. There is no more to divide, you fought for me. No more palm to palm but heart-to-heart we can enter into your kingdom. Let your love flow as I am embraced. There is no more darkness. Just as the curtain has been ripped, so has the wall between us. We no longer hide from each other, we are now together. As you embrace me and I embrace you, we truly embrace one another. In flaw, in slight and imperfection, you are forever my king. You alone could break down all that divides us. Now here I stand in your arms, I am truly glad that you are no longer must hide your face from me. That I can look upon your glory and know you are now beside me.

Image sourced from Google. No copyright intended.

August 20, 2019December 27, 2021

The Right Time

Relationships are a great construction of two people giving of themselves wholly. As time has passed there have been many lessons we’ve all learnt from each other, some good some bad, some not so great. In saying this, there have been many lessons we take from examples of those around us in our family, friends, movies and maybe even inspired through and from movies. We are constantly looking all around us seeing these relationships take form and exist like the air we breathe. It has great power to be seen, great power to bring those great men to tenderness and timid women to great strength. We find ourselves in each other, in every situation, we transform and grow.

There are many examples where we are young and we can choose each other and love for the rest of our days, there are loves were taken or lost, loves that are shattered and loves that are yet to be. Funny how we can feel those words without even having to think twice. Love being the bond between two individuals making them one, we learn to accept parts and correct others. We can break or make ourselves and others in the environment we create. With words lost and actions, we can never return we break and destroy, with words and actions thoughtfully planned we can control and with thoughts and actions inspired we can ignite a flame that may never stop growing if we keep trusting that feeling that grows ever more with positive acknowledgment from our beloved.

We are all so tender and fragile, entering into a commitment we may not fully understand but our best intentions are our best card at dealing with whatever may come next. We decide we are going to do this together, the other persons suffering and needs are greater than our own. We don’t decide it we just feel it and go with it because if we don’t then we suffer too. We are incredible creatures to know ourselves in every secret place, we know our truest emotions and the things we love or despise. As time goes on we know our truest self, what we will accept in any of our relationships, we now set a standard because we have learnt or grown through fire, what we know we are worthy of receiving, what standard of love we desire to receive and no longer settle for those that are not worthy of our time or energy. We learn to accept we are so worthy of receiving because all we do is give, day or night at the drop of a hat there would be nothing we wouldn’t do to battle for our loved one. We learn so we want someone to reciprocate this action to us, no more empty words, promises, time being wasted, we are ready for the whole package. We accept nothing less now.

Love is a grand thing but it is not alive unless we give it life. We are the holders of life to create what we will. We cannot wait around praying and hoping, life is what happens when we decide on the action then live it out. That is living, that is life, that is love. Every day giving to each other, thinking of one another, being thoughtful, considerate, protecting, sacrificing. Someone else’s needs are your priority, through the thick and thin of it. Love is not you thinking you are a good person, it is you doing what is right every day, every night, every moment you can. They will always be your priority, your number one and if work, friends or other activities take that place, no one can receive the love they deserve from you if they give you priority in their life and vice versa. You learn that in time, you can do better, be better and accept nothing less than better than what you’re getting or giving right now.

Time is a great teacher of all things we allow ourselves to learn from the past, change our present so when we create our future we are creating memories that are worth remembering, that always last.

“Do not awaken love before it’s the right time.”
Song of Solomon 8:4

July 28, 2019December 31, 2021

Black Mirror – Hang the DJ

So like all Black Mirror episodes, we are taken on a journey into the future where things seem all too familiar. This episode reflects on a system that gathers information on individuals over a series of relationships. Frank and Amy, our leading gent and lady, are absolutely perfect for each other, they know it, we know, but the system decides against it. They enjoy a 12 hour “relationship” all thanks to a system that is 99.8% accurate and successful for the perfect match, or so they say.

So as many people know how the episode goes, I’m not here to give a rewrite but share what stood out to me, my takeaway message as you would have it. We seem to believe or convince ourselves to stay in the wrong relationships. Whether it be because it’s convenient, deeper emotional issues like trauma bonding, or just convincing yourself you have to be in it for any reason. Yet the ones we desire most we believe or convince ourselves we aren’t able or allowed to. Why do we do this to ourselves, I know I am very guilty of this. For an array of unbelievable reasons, I stayed in a place that was not my home as you would have it. It was not a place of comfort, support or representative of any love whatsoever.

I find it baffling that we have this mixed up psychology in relationships, that we can seek out unhealthy and incompatible people and somehow try and bond to them. Why? Not everyone does this, and I know for a fact it has a lot to do with how we are treated and reared from birth well into our early adult life. We feel this sense of duty to those who are not reciprocal in our affections and understanding of our needs, or those who have diminished our self identity and tell us who we can or cannot choose to be loved by. No, I don’t mean the people who are right in their warnings, but those who are controlling of all our choices.

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The other part that stood out was this understanding of how terrible the experience of having to endure meaningless relationships, one after the other. You’re waiting and hoping for it to end, or you’re full aware that it will end soon enough, and it’s so tiresome emotionally. The right match we search for, find and hold onto, yet it seems like everything including a flawless system tries to pull you apart. You will know if you’re a perfect match, you’ll know your twin flame, the other part of yourself.

It would seem the moment we take back our power and stop watching the clock is also the moment the greatest fear comes of if it had to end just like every other relationship because even though you know it’s the one, there could be this moment where we lose it all. Fear and terror of past emotional trauma takes over, and it would seem that we become the cause of a foreseeable end or issue to arise. We program ourselves into responding so negatively, we hurt ourselves before anything even happens.

The biggest take home message I have is, don’t ever give your power away or anyone to decide your life for you or leave it up to chance. It’s all you, you know who you draw to yourself and vice versa. We’ll know how to navigate through it because it is ours.

June 20, 2019

Thoughtful Thursday

Pictures speaks a thousand words or something like that. This speaks straight to my heart. I love Love, what can I say. The heart wants what the heart wants and if you’re like me it’s more than chocolate and flowers, it’s real. It’s a reality and emotion and force that leads your life that you can’t shake out from. Everything you do is to love. Except when we don’t get what we need in return we get frustrated, we know we are being shown what we give. It’s a pickle sometimes to navigate but we learn, eventually that not everyone has to receive what we have to give, not everyone is willing or actually deserving.

Two energies, two full life forces that can form one, the difference in them is a completion of the other. We’re different but we are the pieces that fit perfectly together, one is strong and the other nurtures, one might be clever and the other silly and one might be broken and the other a healer, to be able then to turn the tables and reverse the roles. You always complement each other which can annoy you but instead of fighting their yin to your yang, embrace their madness, sadness, brokenness and help lead and guide them on their journey to growth. This is your relationship, you don’t get the fruit for nothing, you both have to put the time and care into it and into each other to watch it grow, flourish, heal and then you can enjoy the fruits of both your labour.

You can’t deny that love really does make the world go around, but not the tv love, I’m describing only the real sacrificial, unconditional, will break you and cleanse you, love. The only love that matters. The one that brings you closer and connected to each other, you really do form one person. You are made whole in real love. You know yourself best when it comes to your experiences and expectations but when you find it, you know.

I hope you all know yourself enough to know you are worth more than “less than acceptable” behaviour and effort. Why settle for wet rag when you can ignite yourself with your twin flame. I have a tendency you could say, towards the importance of the prioritisation of people in your life over other materialistic things. More importantly the ones you love over other irrelevant people and things. Your car is not important, your job is not worth the one person who actually will be there if you’re dying, it’s only the ones who love us who will truly hold us as we travel through life’s journey.

If you don’t have each other, what do you really have?

June 10, 2019June 10, 2019

Mindfulness from Today

Every day I begin to think what am I going to meditate on today? Today was about my own children and what future and life I want them to have and how these hopes came from a place of love and not control. As a parent, you can feel many things but from our own experiences mine was fear. Fear of hurting them more than being able to love them and let them grow and flourish. That I would be responsible for the pain I carry and placing that into them. I don’t ever want my children to go through what I went through but how do we escape the ever seeming vicious cycle?

Take responsibility for your own actions. When you live your most authentic life and experience the truest you, you don’t need to hash together a makeshift life. It will come together. Your positive vibrations begin to beat stronger and stronger and like two magnets, your strength, courage and self-love pull you to where you need to be. Don’t be afraid of yourself, let your authentic self raise its flag and fly it high and with that same confidence bring to life all that you are. So, that when you have the ability to pour into someone else and respond to them in mindfulness and love, you will be able to.

This is a journey of undoing a lot of pain but also this journey began because I knew I never wanted anyone else to feel this or live this as a daily and constant reminder of how bad things have been. Detox of the old life, shed their weight off you. Take the first steps to independence so you to, do not hurt others the way you have been hurt. You get to heal and survive and teach others how to be better and do better. You get to be free for the first time in your life and you get to watch others grow from the love you nurture them with and survive with the strength you instilled in them.

I hope you take a calming sense of peace with you today and know you are putting out power and love instead of hate and pain. The children are our future.