There’s something that always surprises me, maybe because I will always try and give people a chance to prove themselves, to be who they say they are but there is always a bitter truth revealed in the end. This kind of person believes in themselves and their actions even if these actions are not heartfelt or genuine. They are just doing the work to say they did it, they use it to control your emotions and to make you feel guilty for ever questioning their actions and beliefs centred on them. They will complain, a lot OR alternatively, create a truly negative environment for themselves and those around them. Their emotions will drive a dagger into your heart and soul, and their words drive a wedge between you and those people or things you care about most.

I really believe the first thing that brings this sudden ‘snap’ on their behalf is the need to do. They ‘do’ to prove they ‘are’ when we all really know they aren’t who they pretend to be. They feel like they have to in an almost self forced way achieve complements from others and ownership over others. The second thing I believe that follows is now their action and ulterior motive has been questioned or revealed and this breeds contempt, anger and frustration. They truly believe they are never at fault and to take responsibility is ludicrous. They will play a card as old as time and begin to behave in a way that is based on their belief of proactivity on their end and not reciprocation on yours. They will actually begin to show their true thought and wonder as to why no one is giving them the help they need or why no one is praising them as much as they think they deserve. Again, it’s in their mind, their thoughts that they create this darkness that becomes a cloud over their thoughts, minds, actions, feelings and it begins to seep into their environment drawing people away.

I truly feel the simple solution to all of this is for them to stop doing things because they think they have to or say they want to. This need to ‘do’ is a really unhealthy relationship with the need to be seen as a good person but at the same time they begin to feed and fester the need to be recognised or alternatively and usually, their superiority in how their actions define them as a person. After all they are the ones doing it, right or wrong attitude. I think this something we all get caught up in even if it is not to this extent of narcissism. This need to do right but become very bitter very quickly and no one ever really has the right attitude when it comes to helping others or long suffering.

Everyone will participate to be seen there in the moment but their heart is not in the right state. So why say YES when you should say NO? Whether it’s religious upbringings, forceful parents, the need to be recognised as good. Either one, it doesn’t make it right. Don’t do things in your life because you have to but because you genuinely want to and that you know life is going to be difficult and tiring but you still have a great positivity and grounding to your life that you are giving back to those around you, you are in fact really helping but bringing that ease to someone else’s life not to be recognised or praised but because you understand it’s about giving and not receiving.

Our lives can be so centred on our selves. All we think about is how WE feel, what WE want, what WE need when in fact we should be thinking about how much we struggle and suffer and how much more we should be helping those who are going through hardships because we know first hand what it is like. Having the right attitude before entering into a situation can change the outcome and experience for everyone. If you hold the mindset that everyone should be checking on me and knowing how I am, you’re prioritising the wrong thing. Ask some one else genuinely how they are and listen, don’t talk unless you really know what to say that will help not hinder.

It really does upset me when people can create their environment but they don’t take responsibility for what exactly they create. They either can be of the ‘no-responsibility’ mind set, it’s not my fault I’m like this but yours or the ‘simply so driven to destroy any good around them in the name of self righteousness’ mindset, we end up with more hurt people than helped people. I think a lot of people base their self justification on their emotions, the ‘it’s all me’ party and don’t care genuinely for others even thought they can fake a smile or act ‘normal’ or ‘happy’ around others and easily fool others because no one really looks any deeper. It’s the behind the scenes some people miss.

Like I said, it really bothers me that people can say one thing and do another. It’s a lie and lying annoys me. I feel like there would be a lot of writings out there religious, spiritual, philosophical speaking out against this sort of behaviour but I feel like the best way to describe it is this:

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

Philippians 2:3-4 New International Version (NIV)

So the next time you decide to help someone, ask yourself: Am I doing this for me or for them? Do I understand this is not about me and my emotions or thoughts but about bringing help to others? Am I serving my highest good or their needs? Sometimes all we really needs is a little more love and compassion, selflessness and kindness, understanding and patience. Leave your ideas at the door and step out in a more positive, loving way. I think we all have enough negativity around us we don’t need to breed in it our own lives and affect those around us.