anxiety

November 23, 2019November 23, 2019

I’M TOO MUCH

If anyone has very told you that you’re too much, take it with a grain of salt. You are too much, for them. It will never be acknowledged or recognised how much you give or do for this people but they will try to drag you down to their level. They will acknowledge you’re truth.

You are too good.

You are too kind.

You are too forgiving.

You are too expectant.

You are, for them, too much.

They cannot process your ability to keep trying while they fail. The next time someone says you are too much, just know you are too much. You are the too much good in their broken world. They sought you out and made you feel special for a while but now you’re too much work, too much effort and too much time they don’t want to give. They want too much coming in and not a whole lot going out.

You’re a gift that keeps on giving, but you’re also strong enough to hold your standards and know you deserve to keep on receiving. You are Worthy.

You’ll never be too much. X

May 16, 2019

Anxiety is this voice in my soul saying don’t speak, it mimics the familiar voices and they mock what I do. It tears apart any shred of confidence, it pushes me away from my goal. It reminds me constantly how I shouldn’t speak because people will not listen and if by chance I say something it will be disagreeable and it won’t matter.

Anxiety always feels like the tightening in my throat, the reversal in my assurance, the one thing that blocks me from moving forward. It is like the pushing and shoving of a bully, the intimidator trying to press me down. I hope I can push them back hard enough and say no to silence them when they try to speak.

I try to remind myself that the only reason I feel this is because I do have something valuable to say, we all do. We all need to speak into being the words on our tongue for once and not allow their pushing to crush us. It’s the one force that tries to keep us hiding and scared so we may not reveal the truth to others.

We need to swallow the choking feeling, embracing the fear and darkness to allow our lips to utter every growing word from our soul to our tongue. That we could force ourselves to fight back against these thoughts and emotions so that each and every time we speak, we won’t bother to worry about others view of us.

We need to learn to block the thoughts of others maybe whispering, judging or making a mockery of us as we speak. That we could overcome these creeping thoughts in our mind and break through even if we aren’t able to eloquently pronounce words or seduce others with our lies. We are better to struggle telling the truth than to to keep feeding their obsession of keeping us down.

I’m trying to live from my mistakes of listening to those who spoke out against me. I try to have courage against them who want me forfeit what is truly mine. I hope I never get so damaged I lose my voice altogether. I’m really trying my hardest to keep pushing through the opposition and come out the other side victorious.

March 28, 2019January 1, 2022

My Monster Anxiety

Anxiety is a monster that likes to come and go. It’ll rise from the darkness and turn into the tightening in your chest.

You’ll find every word will be swallowed by it. Every thought will be manipulated. You’ll forget what you need to do.

You won’t be able to move or breathe, forget thinking clearly. It will swallow everything you are, and you won’t know how to escape.

It’ll send you into a frenzy where your mind and body begin to tremble, the sheer terror will run through your veins. Forget being calm and collected, it will take over.

It’ll set itself in you and unsettled you will be, forever and always engulfed by anxiety. There seems to be no absolution in resolving it.

Except when I remember to just breathe. I acknowledge what causes it in the first place and I respect its space but at a time when it tries to consume my peace, I must say not this time. This time, I hold space for me.