This post is different from my others, it’s personal and from a sacred place. For me, I never understood the power of water or why I was so drawn to it, and for many of us we consider ourselves “water babies”. I began my own spiritual journey and found that water is a cleanser of unwanted energy. It’s also been said to be recognised as a purifier, a form of protection and even healing. Thinking back on my life, I needed the absolute bullshittery of life washed away from me and the comfort of what felt like floating to just let go of the weight of every day, now makes sense.
So me seeking out a pool, creek, river or ocean was just another way I was staying connected to a source of cleansing and spiritual resetting. I was very unaware that water holds minerals our bodies need, so when we are thirsty it quenches our thirst and replaces the minerals in our bodies that we lose through sweat. The ocean has salt that cleans wounds that we are all aware of. Yet, both do an excellent job, one keeping us hydrated and the other healing us. We are water, we require water for not just one purpose, but it serves many. I’ve known many people that found water to be of no purpose to them, they did have issues with their kidneys from not consuming enough water to just flush out their system. Water has a purpose, even if it’s considered just physical, which in the bigger picture, is still important.
I personally have loved water for as long as I can remember. Between bath time and being able to go swimming in the pool as a child, I was pretty content. Mind you, growing up in Australia it was sweltering during the summer but for the most part, was hot enough to enjoy any water activity day or night for most parts of the year. As an adult, I seek out any body of water I can find. Whether it be to just hear it rushing through the rocks and over a fall, or admiring its stillness and calming energy. I love it. I’ve been fortunate enough to venture out over the years and especially in the last two years when I could amongst navigating Covid, to see more of what the beautiful coastline of Australia is made of. Be it rain, hail or shine, to me, it’s perfect.
I also love photography among many things and sometimes when I cannot explain things well my camera helps me do so. I just wanted to share some really special snippets from my travels as time goes on, starting with my trip to Noosa QLD. For whoever comes across this, maybe you love water too and understand the power it holds. Perhaps you just enjoy its refreshing nature, or just being able to sit and listen to the waves crashing upon the shore. Either way, I love it and I couldn’t imagine my world without it.
Noosa QLD. I own this image.Noosa QLD. I own this image.Noosa QLD. I own this image.
I don’t know about you, but I give one too many chances. One too many benefits of the doubt. One too many I’ll see how this plays out, maybe they’ll get it. I let people away with too much, simply because I feel like I need them and myself to understand that I know what it’s like to make mistakes and never get a chance to prove myself. I project my own mistreatment onto others, believing they’ll see I’m not a monster like all these other people were to me. Instead, I just end up mistreated, walked over and empty as usual.
I wish I could understand how people feel the need to really work others over, believe they are fitting of forgiveness and continue with their worsening behaviours without taking any responsibility for them. The repercussion is I get tired of this treatment, finally, apply a boundary to behaviour and get absolutely crucified for doing so. I don’t understand how me finally respecting myself, in the end, makes me the villain, but here we are.
I realised, trying to avoid ever being like my own villain, I allowed people to disrespect my space and energy. When I take it all back, so much wrong has happened, but they do not care. I feel a lot of injustice, and it used to hurt me a lot. Not any more though, I see how important boundaries are and just cutting toxic people out of my life is. If all they can do is cause problems and drama and then try and pin it on another person, they have serious issues. Issues with respect, accountability and change. I used to give people the exception, but not anymore. Their behaviour is theirs, they need to own it and not project that onto anyone else. People have their own shit going on, and I certainly don’t need to be brought into a situation where these people start putting their bad karma and energy onto me.
I never truly understood what a boundary was, but it’s certainly not something that is negative. I was too afraid to believe it was protecting me but hurting others in some skewed view. I was so afraid of losing others and coming across as cold-hearted or selfish. It turns out I was very wrong. These boundaries saved me. They kept people out that deserve to stay out of my energy and only the truly honest, kind and understanding into my sacred world.
Never again will I give too many chances to see if what I’m seeing is true. I will let sleeping dogs lie and never again try too hard to believe people aren’t as they seem. If people show you their true colours, and they only get worse, believe them. No longer will I try and create any value or goodness from another person who has no intention to take responsibility for their behaviour or their attitude that is inherently negative to everyone and everything.
What led me to this revelation and clarity of seeing why boundaries are an important part of life, was in my darkest times I had people always ask me for help and more recently created a friendship with someone who I thought I could be close with and possibly trust to just understand. They spoke as if they understood, we went through a lot of similar experiences or experienced the same trauma response from multiple happenings in our life. I was going through my own hell, I could feel the soul in me going cold and tearing at all ends slowly as I came undone.
Still, I showed up for them and tried to be as understanding and help them feel loved, cared for, understood even when they had their worse days. Yet, my worse day occurred, not even in my control. The inevitable happened after seeking help year long and even prior, but nothing was as severe as 2021. I became discarded, I was no longer useful because I became my own advocate for my own health, meaning I no longer had time or energy for anyone else, especially anyone who expected me to be there for them and set my own struggles aside. Never again will I enter into an environment where there is just that much history and problematic behaviour. They say people tell you everything you need to know about themselves and at that moment, I accepted it. All of it. All the ugly truth of who they are, and the extent of the selfishness of others.
Never again will I engage with people who are unable to see their faults or own them, but need to pin them on others to feel some kind of retribution for the damage and chaos they cause. Their carelessness and lack of understanding are atrocious. They should be held accountable, but I guess in some karmic way they are. They live a lie of a life that involves bringing others into their mess and then throwing them away when they are no longer of use. I’m just waiting for the false apology and excess phone calls when they have no one else to listen to them after a while. They continue a cycle of falsehood and true loneliness. As far as my ability to accept any apology, it’s too late, I’m gone.
I realise people show us who they truly are, and that I just need to believe them. Not try and find hope that they could be saved or changed in some way. No matter how many times I’ve helped these people, they never took it on board. Short of me making all the effort for their living, they had no desire or need to change. So I learnt to let go and separate myself from others who do not wish to grow, change, learn or ascend. That’s okay though if it’s not for you, you’re better off without it, and you truly don’t need it.
No more do I waste my time, energy or resources on people who will never choose to do better or better. I’m just focusing on protecting my energy and focusing on me and my own betterment for my life. That was always been my goal, but it constantly got put on the back burner trying to be there for others, based on the knowledge of knowing what it’s like not having anyone when I really needed them. I realised I cannot view these people as me because they’re not. I actively choose to make decisions and choices that are right and will not stay in the places that broke me or hold me back.
All I can say is, I waited until it was too late, I cannot get my time or energy back, but in a way, I don’t care. What bothers me most is that when I needed a true friend as I was to them, they disappeared. I see now why I will never waste my time anymore on anyone like this because they will just turn around with no remorse and use you as a scapegoat for their behaviour. Lesson learned. Better late than never, right?
From me to myself and me to you dear reader: I hope you find a true friend, I hope you love your boundaries, I hope you are loved, supported and most importantly understood especially when the bad days come. That they don’t just walk out on you, and they most certainly don’t use you.
There I was, just lying still, arms by my side, starting onto what seemed an abyss. The office had a white ceiling, bleak, I know. Posters adorning walls with people posed sadly, heads in hands, tears running down faces. Is that what sadness, depression, anxiety really look like? Maybe on the inside because you never show your true emotions, especially not those, to anyone. Even the counsellor. Again he enters, clipboard in hand, tidy suit, well-set hair. Not a worry in the world, he just glides. I on the other hand am here to lie. Lie down. He on the other hand is here to lie. Lie about why he is here. It’s not because he cares. Truly, if someone cares it’s not because you pay them handsomely for a session to be heard, right? Well, not heard, just talked at or should I say “advised”. Try not to laugh at that one.
Click goes his pen, the first paper is turned, are you ready for this? Here come the 5 questions, here comes White Lie, Black Lie. Our weekly banter back and forth. I still don’t know why I felt I could trust anyone to help. What is medication going to do? Reassure me my life of abuse and struggle is all fine and dandy as long as I can’t feel it? I’m pretty sure the medication has depression as a side effect. Go figure. You can’t numb your reality and expect everything to go away. It doesn’t work like that. But money does, it makes things happen the quick way. Why would anyone bother to love when it’s easier to just palm them off to medication. Wash your hands of me already.
Question 1 – Have you ever previously experienced anxiety or depression
No
Question 2 – Have you ever had suicidal thoughts?
No
Question 3 – Have you ever thought about self-harm or self-harmed?
No
Question 4 – Do you ever feel lonely or sad?
No
Question 5 – Do you ever feel lethargic or spend most of your time sleeping?
No
That sound familiar? White Lie, Black Lie. You almost broke me the first time. Do you know what it’s like to have the truth balancing on your tongue, like a wave ready to crash out into verbal execution? You know how bad I want to say yes. Yes to it all. So bad. Not for attention, but because no one chooses this. No one asks for this. No one cares about this. Does no one care where these issues arise from and why they are here? Is the focus so zoomed in on the fact it’s there as opposed to why it’s there. Is no one else to blame but the now labelled diseased of mind. Who are you, the one I seek for healing to turn me away.
How do you bring light to a situation where people suffer physical, mentally, emotionally at the hands of others? We don’t bring light, no in fact we are pushing these people further and further in the abyss, where if you say yes, you are a problem but one with an easy fix, a simple band aid solution to their time to not be wasted on a sad nobody. Here lies I and here lies them. Who is telling the white lie and who is telling the black lie. I answer no because if I say yes I am broken and here to be at your hand of prodding and provoking. If I asked you if you care, what would you say. You tell me lies of how you are here because you care, not because I’m your 11:30 appointment with c-ptsd.
Although the more I think about it, the same contempt we are mistreated with here, we are in death that white lies turn to here lies and now I’m gone. Just another sad statistic in the Sunday evening news. One more reason for reach out numbers to be flashed on the screen and not be called, because we know, we all know. No one cares about us that’s why we are here aren’t we. Like cattle, we are filtered through your organised systems to be brought to our knees. Medication or go rogue and keep battling these demons on our own. You know people say why can’t you “just get over it”, really? I can’t just get over it because “it” is you and until you stop tormenting me there can be no resolution, we all don’t get to leave, we don’t get to have a freedom. Instead we are stuck in this black pit with no hope and one rope ladder that unless we kill the guard with his own weapon, there is no way out.
So don’t ask me how I am or act like you know me because you don’t. Most importantly, don’t act like you care, because trying to pry into my privacy will not expose the truth, nor a truth you are worthy to see. You don’t care, leave me alone, unless you’re going to help me heal, we have nothing else to discuss.
End of Session.
This image does not belong to me. Copyright of Unity Photography.
Looking up at the power lines overlapping, I see lines of communication, and I am reminded of our own lifelines. Lines within us that holds us together, lines that define us as we get older, lines we draw as boundaries around us and lines that are made for us to connect us.
Sometimes our wires get tangled and muddled into a knot, our wires become disconnected. Let us never forget the importance of keeping our own wires untangled and free. Life sent through lines like electricity travelling back and forth, we can send out messages into the dark and not be afraid if it’s been received.
We can trust in this process and predictability that we are dependable and sound, just like power lines dressing the street. We stand tall, remaining connected, reaching out to one another, relaying the message to the one who needs to hear it.
I wrote this piece in July 2021. I don’t know why I never posted it, but it’s a perfect reflective piece for myself of how far I have come. I have learnt what disrespects me has no place in my life or energetic field.
This retrograde, eclipse and full moon are really playing to my strengths (just joking) I am furious, all the time and have no control over the rage that sits just below the surface. To be honest though I’m glad it exists, this is my new birth into who I am, honest and intolerant of ignorance. I will allow myself this gift of truth and the fury that rides with it.
I don’t know about you, but I do know this month has become one of new life and to achieve it, we all must embrace these changes and strongholds growing in us. We will break the barriers of the previous life, our intensity will not be dulled by those who are usually the ones suffocating us and sucking the oxygen from our lungs. I am in a rage, for those who are inconsiderate, selfish and unkind. They don’t think about anyone else, and when I suffer alone. Yet I always ask them how they are, what they need, are they really okay. Call it a birth into a new-found fire, self-respect and boundary, but learning to understand myself has taught me I will not tolerate or accept less than par behaviour like this.
Years, hours, days, just all of my time has been wasted on those who care and consider only themselves and their needs. Whose opinions are forever heard, whose actions affect those around them so negatively, their lack of consideration and care is strewn through our pain and suffering. We are ready to embrace the anxiety and weight they cause. Like a shark they devour our hopes, stability, dreams, freedom. What did we do to deserve this? Nothing, but we give them our time, something they are undeserving of if they can’t even care about you genuinely, don’t wait for them to care for your selfless actions and change their ways any time soon. They are self-seeking, self advancing, meaning you are nothing but a self nominating tool they use to get ahead. They’ll squeeze you dry and throw you away, they’ll treat you poorly in the process.
Expect nothing from these people and create the boundary now to avoid all contact and evidence of their presence in your life. It’s time to cut cords and ties and break yourself free from their cage. Your soul purpose is not to be used by them, but to grow and flourish into your own success and not be held back and emptied by these people. They can appear as people who should care about us, they will use love against you, turn the conversation around onto your faults, but remember you’re not the one writhing like a snake without its head after being held accountable for itself actions, and you are not the responsible party. You’re making boundaries and cutting them out, they can learn to thrive like the parasite they are on someone else’s hard work and efforts.
I hope this month teaches you something new, I hope you allow this time of change to transform you, I know I have found my strength, my voice. Have you?
Ninety percent of the time when I have a problem and seek help, I get met with the most apathetic response. It’s either my responsibility for the trouble in my life, my fault or that’s just how it is for me as a woman and to just deal with it. The real kicker is this is the response I’ve received from other older women. Women who were perceived as kind, helpful, spiritual. Someone who would listen without judgement and give advice that would help you flourish.
This gets enraging and emotional, feeling things from frustration and pain, to wanting to change their own thinking, but I can’t change someone who chooses self over others. So I really delve deeper into thought and I begin to release things like pieces of the puzzle coming together because I’m not giving others the benefit of the doubt to be perfect. What we all need someone, to take responsibility for their actions, listen to how they hurt us and work together to heal. Ideally and simplicity at its best, but this isn’t everyone’s thought when their own ego has a bigger role to play.
I guess in the beginning, if we need to begin somewhere solid, disappointment flourished. Imagine being the first human, spending a lot of time learning, adapting, overcoming. Finally, your loneliness is noticed and boom, your lover is in your life. How do you mess this up? Yeah, you never had human interaction like this before, but you know they are a part of you, and they are your responsibility. You get to protect, provide and love them, but instead you forget the loneliness and take advantage of them. They are offered something more, and you stand by, even participate.
You get caught out and blame them. Weak. This is the point I want to make, in every one of my “relationships” people I was getting to know, I got thrown under the bus. I was forced to live under a rock and when my wings were beginning to spread they were broken. So innocent was my pleading falling on deaf ears and blackened hearts. The thing is these people boasted about how good they were, capable of taking care of me, what they had to offer. It was all a lie. I was either a filler of their life to keep boredom away or to be seen as someone who actually have someone in their life, someone like me. Pathetic really.
I don’t like anyone who uses someone as a badge in their life, like a statement of their achievements. If you’re not going to actually love someone with action and not your incessant talking, don’t expect respect. Your words are like an avalanche, you just don’t shut up. You talk and talk and talk about how great you are and how successful you are and how everyone respects you but if you were to ask the person in their life behind the closed doors and not in everyone’s sight, see how different their reality is, actually the reality of that boastful person.
I guess what’s been plaguing my mind is the same verse found in the bible, going around and around.
Ephesians 5:25 “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.”
So, what does it mean to love your spouse? This:
1 Corinthians 13:4-5:“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”
Ephesians 4:2:“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”
1 Peter 4:8:“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”
1 Peter 3:7:“In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.”
There are all sorts of every kind of person on this Earth, some compatible, some not so much. Don’t bring someone into your life if you’re not ready to live like this, to actually give every day in small ways and once in a while in bigger gestures. A person isn’t an object that you bring into your life for company. They are not your slave to be the only person giving every day in every way of themselves until they have no soul left in their body. Think twice before you commit to love and thrive before you awaken it.
If they’re not going to love you as you deserve, walk away. Life is too short to give of your self in wholesome love and to be met with adversity, apathy and indifference.
There we stand, each on one side of the curtain. Palm to palm with thick material between us. Your voice sings and mine trembles. You promise me sweet things and I break. We find ourselves in this meeting place, though we have yet to meet. You whisper to me, One day. I hold onto these words. Soon the time comes where I must go, back to life, and so you leave. I can hear your smile in your voice as you promise your love and soul to me. You must leave now, but you always promise to return. Without fail, you always do.
Here we are again, palm to palm, your voice sings a song of a thousand voices, all full of hope and promise. Mine is an empty echo, broken and waiting for this promise. You tell me now the time is coming where you must allow darkness to fall. There will be time for me and there will be nothing, I’m certain I will not break. You remind me how I feel right now, At this moment where we are in bliss. There will be no bliss or hope, there will be nothing, like a blanket because you have left me. My voice tries to remain strong, just for you. You know it’s not me I am trying to be brave for, it’s for my own heart.
The time has come that you must leave, let darkness fall and the sun must fade. Darkness consumes all that is in me and I feel myself slipping into despair. A violent storm and vicious break, and soon we will be together. How come I must endure your absence to be close? Why must you leave me to be, so I may know your return? While I sit by the curtain, losing all hope of you in my mind.
Your presence begins to surround me once more, like the sun returning to the morn. Here I am, you say with great approval, and tell me to stand back. I rise to my feet and step away. A great light the fills the room and my soul. I begin to hear a rip, there, again another rip! With the might of your strength and your sword ripped the curtain. I shield my eyes from a flood of light that flows over me. Light floods all around my being, I can barely see. I can let my hand and guard down to see only you.
Emerging from the light, there you stand as any mighty king would, with a crown that adorns your head, but it is your love that adorns my heart. You reach your hand down to me that I may take it for the first time. Here we are, palm to palm, no curtains to divide. You lift me to my feet and pull me close to your chest, embracing me in your warmth. I feel safe, I begin to cry. You look at me once more with loving eyes that fill the sky. You promised me one day, and that day has come from great sacrifice. Enduring the darkness, I patiently waited on your promise, trusting you would fulfil it. Now here we are, safe and secure in each other’s loving embrace.
You have me now and I to you. There is no more to divide, you fought for me. No more palm to palm but heart-to-heart we can enter into your kingdom. Let your love flow as I am embraced. There is no more darkness. Just as the curtain has been ripped, so has the wall between us. We no longer hide from each other, we are now together. As you embrace me and I embrace you, we truly embrace one another. In flaw, in slight and imperfection, you are forever my king. You alone could break down all that divides us. Now here I stand in your arms, I am truly glad that you are no longer must hide your face from me. That I can look upon your glory and know you are now beside me.
There was a wall between us, like a fort, it divided. You were safe inside and I was left outside. Everyday I’d come to you, just to be able to hear your voice. You made hours feel like minutes, your very presence was supernatural. You could make my darkest days seem so bright. You told me you had to go away for a while and you made me a promise I would forget. You told me that we would finally be connected, that we could see face to face, that there would be no more wall between us. It would finally be just us.
I’d never thought these days would be so dark, it felt like an eternity had fallen upon me and time froze with fear. There was no more light, there was no more conversation. There was nothing. We had been separated for so long we didn’t know each other anymore, or so it felt to me. You had disappeared. Why would you turn your face from me, did you really have to go? This bond I have to you is too strong for me to bear. I looked at that wall every day like I was an ant and it was a giant. It was the one thing that took you from me, how could we ever be together.
The sun rose this day and I remember how it felt. Like your hand on my should giving me comfort and reassurance. Today was the day, the wall came crumbling down. You gave your word and there I watched as it fell like dust. It no longer bore a resemblance to the division between you and me, it was no more. We could finally be together. We could meet face to face. You let me in to your kingdom and I could finally see what it meant to be you.
There is this terrible habit we have created within our society of dating, love, marriage. It’s the importance of Self and not another. We love our work and self-importance, but will engage the constructs of relationships into our lives, weaving promises and lies into one another. We pretend we care but when things come to the surface we shout and get angry, we say how we are doing the best we can and instead of listening and communicating. We cause more issues and break the foundation that should be strengthened.
We are all our own individual person, we have our own identity, strengths and defining weaknesses too. The insecurities we hold will always manifest themselves unless we work through them by acknowledging them. We have this tendency to bring these needs for recognition and praise forward, it comes in the form of work, bosses, colleagues, friends, family. It affects how we speak and act. The dangerous part of this is that it will always hurt those who can truly love you and care about you. You will break down walls to get where you want to be, including those who you’d pull into your life and the inevitable course of chosen self-destruction.
I guess what I want to say is, why do you want to love another person or want another person to love you when your life is the most important part of your existence is how you present yourself to the world? Love is an action, to give, to sacrifice, to put others needs, wants and desires above your own. You’re not supposed to compromise but promise, and your words hold true. Whatever we hold deep in ourselves, our fears, habitual responses and learned interactions and examples of what a relationship looks like, should be acknowledged and worked through.
Creating change within ourselves creates change in others, and when we lose the fear and need of constant receiving and reassurance, we begin to give actions and words that no longer cost us anything because they hold the value of speaking another person’s love language. You will never need to fear losing love or not being enough when we acknowledge this in ourselves or understand this in our partner, only then can we choose to respond appropriately and accordingly with understanding and kindness.
2020 has brought some serious challenges for all of us. A lot of people, if not all, we’re going through and experiencing much higher levels of stress and dealing with mental health so strongly. It was hard to be one of many small fish in a big pond, we were all jammed packed into fitting into new systems and watching the news more religiously as we may have previously. Comfort zones were definitely broken down and re-adjusting to the new routines laid out for us taking a sense of human freedom away, but again for the good of the herd. It still didn’t make it any easier, despite the greater good.
Seeking help in these times was not something I felt I could do and so many out there in the haze that was 2020 feat. Covid. There is no response any advertised group could really do. I think we have learned to bear with the internal suffering for this long, this will just be a fresh heavyweight challenger we learn to handle. It was not the fear of the unknown to what will happen next, but that we don’t get to decide the path we lay out for ourselves. There is a lack of control on our behalf with it being taken and reinstated with new laws and punishments to follow a set track. As we all can agree we need to be proactive, not reactive when the health and wellbeing of the whole is the priority, but if you are like me and need these escapes from your own space, the lockdown brought many challenges and incited a lot of unnecessary anxiety and stress. Not even by the virus but having to deal with other people out there, outside the safe space of not having to deal with people, but opinions rooted in their own self-righteousness and stupidity that just did not need to be brought into existence.
2020 was the year that I learnt people did not need to be in my space, in my head or in my life if they could not respect me or my shoddy attempts of self-respect and boundaries, but also just treat me as I treat them like they are actually cared about. Big shifts and changes came from big decisions that I had enough of and did a lot of cutting off people who were really just there only for their own convenience. 2021 has brought in a lot of understanding, reflecting and realising that Growth is Pain. The growth right now is not showing up for things that don’t give me anything back, because let’s be real, it’s nice being on the receiving end. It continually happens, and comfort zones are formed for the other person to the point if I ever pull them up on it or get over the fact they just can’t do the right thing (apparently people need to be “trained” to be respectful?), they become aggressive, self-preservative and project the blame onto someone who has done nothing but preserved them and maintained the relationship. I wish you could feel the annoyance and eye roll because honestly, it’s gone from baffling to just bullshit.
2021 forecast projection is becoming clearer for me, that it will be filled with doing what I want – when I want. I have followed everyone into their life and no one has ever come into mine, so I guess this is the part where I just take on my life and live it and no one is a part of that because let’s be honest, no one has really deserved that position where they can choose me over themselves. Closed doors, being cold never really worked for me and growing callouses have been unfortunately a part of the end of 2020. So now I’m here. A time when I get to be my priority because let’s be real, when you become the person under the radar, the person who always shows up for others and gets nothing but anxiety/panic attacks and other fun things you learn to just deal with on your own. You become invincible. You stop accepting people taking you for granted, and you see, without fail, when you stop making any effort, you will not receive anything on their end, they will not see you enough to reciprocate or take responsibility for whatever this is – work, relationships, family.
So here’s to 2021 where I have to make it my own and I hope you’ve had enough too, where you just put yourself at the forefront of your mind. Listen to those emotions, negative or positive, and follow them. Also, I’ve learnt to not get set into anything and nothing is forever, it might last a while but again if you give more than you receive that time of leaving will come. Never settle for less or be okay with how shit people choose to treat you. I hope you prioritise your health in all ways because we are whole beings. We get one life, and you deserve the best out of it. I used to believe I was shit because every voice that was supposed to matter reinforced it like an in-sync choir, you’re not. If you’re miserable – just stop, reflect upon where that feeling/emotions come from or who and cut that out, walk away. Nourish yourself first. Nothing good in life is easy, but if it’s right, it’s right.
Esoteric Realms 